[Teachldsseminary] OT: Losing Our Youth

[sjagnana@mac.com]

Pam,
May I say... that your parents were very fortunate.  I do agree with  
how they handled the situation... not to be an accomplice in their  
not doing what is right.  As a mother that has had to deal with  
children that have gone inactive I have come to truly understand the  
principle of agency.  It is the most difficult lesson a parent must  
learn.  We just want to protect them and keep them from everything  
that is bad.  I have come to know that when our children ( age  
appropriate of course ) come to realize the actual power they have  
been granted, that if they choose to use it in opposition to those  
things that we have placed before them that truly force does not  
exist... regardless of what many outsiders may think.  I know many do  
not believe this, but trust me on this one.  When a teenager does NOT  
want to be in church, it does NOT matter what a parent does, they  
will NOT GO.  When a teenager tells you they are being forced to be  
there, they are still exercising THEIR agency to be there.  Unless  
you have dealt with a truly defiant teenager ( and many parents THINK  
they have... sorry ) it is hard to really understand.  Fortunately by  
allowing these strong spirits to exercise their agency ( age  
appropriate of course ) with strong counsel and guidance they do  
return to the fold.  Remember the reason we are all here... that we  
may learn by "our own experience" to choose between good and evil?   
Thus we teach them correct principles that through experience they  
may discern the consequences clearly for future choice making.

My daughter was 16 at the time.  She is now 27, active with 3  
beautiful children, reads and prays every night with her little  
family and is preparing to go to the temple.  Just  love them  
unconditionally.  She is far ahead of me at this time in her life.   
These parents need our love and support, not our judgement.  I cannot  
tell you how painful of a time this was and yet I kept a big smile on  
my face when I thought my heart would literally break.  There is very  
little support in our church for this group of parents.  Need I say  
more.
Love,
Kathryn